21 December 2009

Canadian's Join World Surf Splinter Group - Upstart Dominates 5th Round

Young Canadian surf sensation, Moose, has now signed up for the Old Farts Surf Co. (OFSC) World Series Surfing Splinter Group.  The self managed upstart said " I recognised the potential of the Splinter Group to become the pre-eminant world surfing tour and wanted to be in it from the start".  OFSC Head Honcho, Mexican, was absolutely delighted with Moose's decision to join the tour for an undisclosed sum saying "the Splinter Group is now truly international, not only do we have Spanish fans (The Mexican Triumphs for Spanish Fans) but we have Canadian competitors"

(Moose prepares for the competition with 5 bananas, 4 cups of strong Rich Asmara coffee and gives a Shaka wearing Old Farts Surf Co. Original No. 5 Tee Shirt)
Moose had been preparing for the contest by riding waves generated by huge blocks of ice falling into the water from glaciers at a secret location in far north Canada for the past six months.  On the morning of the contest she had a special breakfast that is believed to include yak yogurt, bananas and maple syrup.

(Moose dressed as an oldfartsurfer, a traditional ritual on the morning of Splinter Group championship events.)

(Moose with genuine Tracks, the surfers bible, beany enroute to the contest)
Moose chose "The Mexican" model of hollow timber surfboard as her weapon of choice on the day.  "I love its streamlined shape and the subtle single to double concave underneath gives it a lift across fat waves" she said to reporters as she extracted the board from its bag.

(Moose holds the Mexican at the pre-contest photo shoot)

(The surf confronting Moose before the Splinter Group event)

(Moose and caddy, Mexican, enter the surf for an early round)

(Moose gets some tips from the Mexican's designer)

(Finalists chew the fat on the peak between sets)
The early rounds of the competition were fiercly competed and the final was made up of Moose and oldfartsufers The Mexican, The Dude and The Other Dude.  The oldfartsurfer's years of experince paid off to get them to the final to face the upstart Canadian.  The competition started with the oldfartsurfers chewing the fat on a right hand peak that started full but finished hard dumping on a shallow sand bank.

(Mexican, stylish on the first wave of the final)
The First wave of the final was taken by The Mexican, who eased into a smooth bottom turn with grace and poise, then generated speed across the face with a series of oscillations, finishing with a sharp turn under the lip over the shallow inside bank.  "that snap under the lip over the inside bank felt sensational, I can't believe I pulled it off without pulling a hamstring" the Mexican said with a permenant grin.

(The Dude, cranks a powerful bottom turn)
The second wave was taken by The Dude who launched in a powerful bottom turn which produced a speed glide over the fat face of the wave.  From the shore, cameraman Spot said "that was the best bottom turn off a fat peak I've ever seen, The Dude's hollow timber fish really has some magic."  The Dude's board was recently christened "the Craic" and is revered by oldfartsurfers as the father of the hollow timber surfboard revolution.  The Dude said "at that stage I thought I had the event sown up because the waves dried up for a while and that was an event winning bottom turn I put in."

(The Other Dude trims with poise on a fat fizzer)
At this stage of the final, The Other Dude and Moose still hadn't caught a wave.  "I think Moose had a bigger strategy" said The Other Dude.  "She faked for a wave with enthusiasm then pulled back and let me take it.  It turned out to be a fat fizzer and I blew the chance on catching the Mex and the Dude."  "All the skill in the world wasn't going to score big on that wave" said Spot the photographer.

(Spot keeps an eye on the photographers)
The Moose had something special up her sleeve that had been worked out beforehand with Spot.  Spot had been studying the style of the main contenders and was aware of a trick that none of the other competitors had used in competition to date.

(Innovative new style from Moose)
After letting the other competitors catch the early waves with standard stand up riding techniques, Moose pulled out the secret tactic.  "I belly rode the board from start to finish.  No one else had ever done that on a hollow timber surfboard in Splinter Group World Series Championship surfing before" said Moose.  The crowed were stunned by the shear audacity of the tactic.

(Mexican fights back with a carve under the lip)
The Mexican had managed to get back out to the peak and catch another wave and blasted top scorer with another carve under the lip.  "He took the lead back with that one" said The Dude.  The Other Dude said "by this stage we were a team of oldfartsurfers against one Canadian Moose and the battle lines were drawn."

(Moose clinches it with this stylish pearler)
Unfortunately for the oldfartsurfers the new oldfartsurfer caught another belly ride, this one even more stylish than the first to clinch victory in the last minute.

(Winners are grinners)

(While the defeated wander off having a chat about what it will be like on Thursday)

(Award Ceremony at the Old Farts Surf Cafe')
The Awards ceremony was held at the Old Farts Surf Cafe where the traditional gingernut snaps and Rich Asmara coffee were consumed in copies amounts.  The oldfartsurfers welcomed their new member with pride.   In awarding the upstart Moose the winners prize, Old Farts Surf Co. Head Honcho, The Mexican, said "our market research shows that 3 our of 4 people think that age is meaningless in defining an oldfartsurfer, it is all in their attitude to life, that is why we can have such a young champion in our Splinter Group."
Rumour has it that some name companies are making big offers to the Old Fart Surf Co. for the rights to hold the Splinter Group World Surfing Championship.  When questioned the Mexican said "we're not selling out, this event defines what we are about".

16 December 2009

Gratuitous Big Wave Video

The Oldfartsurfer has got tired of waiting for waves so has resorted to blatent ripoff of bigwave video from a corporate giant.  This is insane stuff, particularly the opening wave of Marti Paradisis at Shipsterns Bluff, Tasmania.  How he jumps off that ledge and sneaks under megatonne lips I don't know.  Just crazy.
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15 December 2009

Snail's Happy, Reveals Secret Spot

The Oldfartsurfer has always maintained that the secret to happiness is to be easily pleased.  Which is why he was warmed to the cockles to receive a letter of appreciation from Legend of the surf, Snail, for the article "Snails Head Gets Barelled" oldfartsurf.blogspot.com/2009/10/snails-head-gets-barrelled.html that featured Snail's head getting barelled with some great photos to prove it.

(A gratuitous shot of Snail's head getting barelled)
The letter, in Snail's own handwriting, is faithfully reproduced here:

One of the key characteristics of Snail is that he's still a grommet at 54 years of age.  He is frothing so much about the article that he has given away the location of a secret spot and even sent an old photo.  The spot, known as "The Grange" after  Australia's most expensive wine, is only rarely surfed, as the wine is only rarely drunk, as it takes a massive 7-8m swell to push up into an estuary and when that happens every other point for 100km is also firing .  It is therefore generally only surfed by local grommets without transport.

("The Grange" firing with remains of car body in foreground)
To the Oldfartsurfer's knowledge, he himself was the first to surf "The Grange" in late 1976 in the great swell that interupted the uni swot vac and destroyed the old jetty at Sandy Bay Beach.  The preferred rare local break "Crayfish Point", with its take off point directly over the local primary treated sewerage outfall, was 8' but blown out of control.  The Oldfartsurfer went exploring further up the estuary and found "The Grange" about 4' and protected from the wind by the local cliffs.

("The Grange" in mid shot from Macho's 4 seater, "Crafish" in the distance)
On a mission of nostalgia, at great expense to the Old Farts Surf Co., the Oldfartsurfer employed the flying power of Macho and Macho to take a flight over the fabled point breaks "The Grange" and "Crayfish".  The aerial view revealed the bottom shape beneath the water and proved that, like any high class lady, a good bottom shape is essential to high performance when the swell finally arrives.  Its a pity that these waves don't get the swell they deserve.  Snail and the Oldfartsurfer are two of the very few who were pleased to have tasted these beauties.

("Crayfish Point" with its primary treated sewerage treatment plant, waiting for swell)
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