Canadian's Join World Surf Splinter Group - Upstart Dominates 5th Round

Young Canadian surf sensation, Moose, has now signed up for the Old Farts Surf Co. (OFSC) World Series Surfing Splinter Group.  The self managed upstart said " I recognised the potential of the Splinter Group to become the pre-eminant world surfing tour and wanted to be in it from the start".  OFSC Head Honcho, Mexican, was absolutely delighted with Moose's decision to join the tour for an undisclosed sum saying "the Splinter Group is now truly international, not only do we have Spanish fans (The Mexican Triumphs for Spanish Fans) but we have Canadian competitors"

(Moose prepares for the competition with 5 bananas, 4 cups of strong Rich Asmara coffee and gives a Shaka wearing Old Farts Surf Co. Original No. 5 Tee Shirt)

Moose had been preparing for the contest by riding waves generated by huge blocks of ice falling into the water from glaciers at a secret location in far north Canada for the past six months.  On the morning of the contest she had a special breakfast that is believed to include yak yogurt, bananas and maple syrup.

(Moose dressed as an oldfartsurfer, a traditional ritual on the morning of Splinter Group championship events.)

(Moose with genuine Tracks, the surfers bible, beany enroute to the contest)

Moose chose "The Mexican" model of hollow timber surfboard as her weapon of choice on the day.  "I love its streamlined shape and the subtle single to double concave underneath gives it a lift across fat waves" she said to reporters as she extracted the board from its bag.

(Moose holds the Mexican at the pre-contest photo shoot)

(The surf confronting Moose before the Splinter Group event)

(Moose and caddy, Mexican, enter the surf for an early round)

(Moose gets some tips from the Mexican's designer)

(Finalists chew the fat on the peak between sets)

The early rounds of the competition were fiercly competed and the final was made up of Moose and oldfartsufers The Mexican, The Dude and The Other Dude.  The oldfartsurfer's years of experince paid off to get them to the final to face the upstart Canadian.  The competition started with the oldfartsurfers chewing the fat on a right hand peak that started full but finished hard dumping on a shallow sand bank.

(Mexican, stylish on the first wave of the final)

The First wave of the final was taken by The Mexican, who eased into a smooth bottom turn with grace and poise, then generated speed across the face with a series of oscillations, finishing with a sharp turn under the lip over the shallow inside bank.  "that snap under the lip over the inside bank felt sensational, I can't believe I pulled it off without pulling a hamstring" the Mexican said with a permenant grin.

(The Dude, cranks a powerful bottom turn)

The second wave was taken by The Dude who launched in a powerful bottom turn which produced a speed glide over the fat face of the wave.  From the shore, cameraman Spot said "that was the best bottom turn off a fat peak I've ever seen, The Dude's hollow timber fish really has some magic."  The Dude's board was recently christened "the Craic" and is revered by oldfartsurfers as the father of the hollow timber surfboard revolution.  The Dude said "at that stage I thought I had the event sown up because the waves dried up for a while and that was an event winning bottom turn I put in."

(The Other Dude trims with poise on a fat fizzer)

At this stage of the final, The Other Dude and Moose still hadn't caught a wave.  "I think Moose had a bigger strategy" said The Other Dude.  "She faked for a wave with enthusiasm then pulled back and let me take it.  It turned out to be a fat fizzer and I blew the chance on catching the Mex and the Dude."  "All the skill in the world wasn't going to score big on that wave" said Spot the photographer.

(Spot keeps an eye on the photographers)

The Moose had something special up her sleeve that had been worked out beforehand with Spot.  Spot had been studying the style of the main contenders and was aware of a trick that none of the other competitors had used in competition to date.

(Innovative new style from Moose)

After letting the other competitors catch the early waves with standard stand up riding techniques, Moose pulled out the secret tactic.  "I belly rode the board from start to finish.  No one else had ever done that on a hollow timber surfboard in Splinter Group World Series Championship surfing before" said Moose.  The crowed were stunned by the shear audacity of the tactic.

(Mexican fights back with a carve under the lip)

The Mexican had managed to get back out to the peak and catch another wave and blasted top scorer with another carve under the lip.  "He took the lead back with that one" said The Dude.  The Other Dude said "by this stage we were a team of oldfartsurfers against one Canadian Moose and the battle lines were drawn."

(Moose clinches it with this stylish pearler)

Unfortunately for the oldfartsurfers the new oldfartsurfer caught another belly ride, this one even more stylish than the first to clinch victory in the last minute.

(Winners are grinners)

(While the defeated wander off having a chat about what it will be like on Thursday)

(Award Ceremony at the Old Farts Surf Cafe')

The Awards ceremony was held at the Old Farts Surf Cafe where the traditional gingernut snaps and Rich Asmara coffee were consumed in copies amounts.  The oldfartsurfers welcomed their new member with pride.   In awarding the upstart Moose the winners prize, Old Farts Surf Co. Head Honcho, The Mexican, said "our market research shows that 3 our of 4 people think that age is meaningless in defining an oldfartsurfer, it is all in their attitude to life, that is why we can have such a young champion in our Splinter Group."

Rumour has it that some name companies are making big offers to the Old Fart Surf Co. for the rights to hold the Splinter Group World Surfing Championship.  When questioned the Mexican said "we're not selling out, this event defines what we are about".

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Gratuitous Big Wave Video

The Oldfartsurfer has got tired of waiting for waves so has resorted to blatent ripoff of bigwave video from a corporate giant.  This is insane stuff, particularly the opening wave of Marti Paradisis at Shipsterns Bluff, Tasmania.  How he jumps off that ledge and sneaks under megatonne lips I don't know.  Just crazy.
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Snail's Happy, Reveals Secret Spot

The Oldfartsurfer has always maintained that the secret to happiness is to be easily pleased.  Which is why he was warmed to the cockles to receive a letter of appreciation from Legend of the surf, Snail, for the article "Snails Head Gets Barelled" oldfartsurf.blogspot.com/2009/10/snails-head-gets-barrelled.html that featured Snail's head getting barelled with some great photos to prove it.

(A gratuitous shot of Snail's head getting barelled)

The letter, in Snail's own handwriting, is faithfully reproduced here:

One of the key characteristics of Snail is that he's still a grommet at 54 years of age.  He is frothing so much about the article that he has given away the location of a secret spot and even sent an old photo.  The spot, known as "The Grange" after  Australia's most expensive wine, is only rarely surfed, as the wine is only rarely drunk, as it takes a massive 7-8m swell to push up into an estuary and when that happens every other point for 100km is also firing .  It is therefore generally only surfed by local grommets without transport.

("The Grange" firing with remains of car body in foreground)

To the Oldfartsurfer's knowledge, he himself was the first to surf "The Grange" in late 1976 in the great swell that interupted the uni swot vac and destroyed the old jetty at Sandy Bay Beach.  The preferred rare local break "Crayfish Point", with its take off point directly over the local primary treated sewerage outfall, was 8' but blown out of control.  The Oldfartsurfer went exploring further up the estuary and found "The Grange" about 4' and protected from the wind by the local cliffs.

("The Grange" in mid shot from Macho's 4 seater, "Crafish" in the distance)

On a mission of nostalgia, at great expense to the Old Farts Surf Co., the Oldfartsurfer employed the flying power of Macho and Macho to take a flight over the fabled point breaks "The Grange" and "Crayfish".  The aerial view revealed the bottom shape beneath the water and proved that, like any high class lady, a good bottom shape is essential to high performance when the swell finally arrives.  Its a pity that these waves don't get the swell they deserve.  Snail and the Oldfartsurfer are two of the very few who were pleased to have tasted these beauties.

("Crayfish Point" with its primary treated sewerage treatment plant, waiting for swell)

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SUP Invasion of Local Point Break

It was a warm spring day and the Mexican thought there might be a bit of swell so he thought he'd check out his local.  "The Dude was busy with a BBQ and Macho was on a family surf trip so I had to go without a surf buddy" said the Mex.  "But when I got there there was this bloke riding one of those SUP things.  I thought I ruled this place with the Mal but this guy was picking up ripples way out the back"  the Mex went on.

According to the Mex hethese photos as evidence of the event for reference and localism.  "Not only was there a SUP out there but some Dude on a Kayak" exclaimed the Mex.

Utes, Roos, Snakes and Fat Peaks

This started out as a pretty promising trip to a secret island surf spot to the south.  A mate of a mate said the banks were good, the swell was forcast at 3m, a good solid size for the middle bay , and a light offshore.  The Young dude seccombed to beer and wenching leaving the Dude and the Mexican to catch the first ferry to compete in the fifth round of the Old Farts Surf Co. Splinter Group World Surf Championship.

(Eating dust of the lead ute looking for car raping roos, if he hits one he'll be roo-uted)

Getting off the ferry the boys ate the dust of a ute that was travelling just fast enough not to be overtaken as the Old Farts Surf Co. team high tailed it south at as fast as they could.  Ominous road signs of sex crazed kangaroos humping cars that went slower than 45 km/hr primed the adrenalin for the surf and kept the car moving.

(Fat peaks and spectacular scenery)

The Dude fish tailed and down the dirt road and pulled up nicely with a 30m gravel slide into the car park.  The boys threw open the doors and left them swinging as they raced over the hill to see the anticipated perfection.

The bay revealed the predicted swell and glassy conditions but the rumoured banks weren't there.  Instead, there were mushy fat peaks.  A quick decision was made to try the lagoon mouth in the hope that the swell was big enough and an hour after arrival the team paddled out back at the bay.

(Shoulda gone right)

"I just love a fat peak and chewing the fat out the back" the Mexican said.  An initial wave was taken by both competitors and they both blew the take off coming up laughing.  "There is no drop in rule for our competitors and team waves are highly scored for all competitors" said The Dude.  "Calling a competitor to drop into you gets you extra points" he explained.

(The Dude thinks his Patagonian Yak's wool surf suit is a bit itchy)

The Dude and The Mexican chewed the fat with a few other dudes out the back while they waited for fat peaks.  The Mexican managed a couple of good drops, getting back out the back in a strong rip next to the rocks.  Meanwhile The Dude was pre-occupied, luxuriating in his new Pategonia merino wool lined wet suit.

(A left that didn't close out)

The sea breeze came in very early so the boys decided to call it quits and catch the early ferry home to see the good women.  The Dude nearly came to grief on the way back to the gear.  "I nearly trod on a tiger snake" he said, surprisingly calmly for his near death experience.  "Fortunately I had my wetsuit and booties on but I was really worried about ruining my new wool lined wet suit with a snake bite" he finished, indicative of his pre-occupation with sheeps wool close to his skin*.

(The Mexican's super surfcraft)

*Note: The Dude is not a Kiwi.

 Click here to order your Old Farts Surf Co. hollow timber surfboard handcrafted by the mastersurfcraftsman, The Dude.

(A really fat right)

(Roos lift cars to 45 deg from dusk to dawn)

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Snail's Head Gets Barrelled

Oldfartsurfer, Snail, put on a champion performance at the mystical point on Sunday evening.  Many were calling it too difficult to ride and weren't brave enough to turn up.  However, when the Oldfartsurfer spied Snail ripping Japanese sea stars off the rocks he could tell that there was no stopping him.

(1. Snail takes off on a bomb)

Snail and the Oldfartsurfer watched a few go by and finally Snail said "that's it I've got to go out, its too perfect to resist".  So, with no one else brave enough to paddle out, the brave Snail paddled out alone.  The Oldfartsurfer raced back and got his camera to capture the moment.

(2. Snail then powers off the bottom)

Snail's weapon of choice was his Kevin 09 stimulus model, chosen for its ability to hold a line and stay on message.

(3. Snail powers off the top)

Fresh from a recent trip to Hawaii, Snail was fit and in tune with the bigger waves. 

(4. Snail powers, trims and sets up for the barrel while two birds look on)

(5. Snails head gets barrelled)

"I manaaged to get the barrel of the day" said Snail, "I was really proud that I could bend my 54 y.o. knees and crouch in the pocket" he said after completely losing his head under the curtain.

(6. Snail finishes off with a layback cutback)

The Olfartsurfer said, "I thought it was one of the most inspiring paddle outs I've seen.  There's not many others who would have paddled out in those conditions."

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The Craic is Christened

The Mastersurfcraftsman, The Dude, has finally named and christened his original 6'8" hollow timber fish "The Craic".  Regular followers of this story will remember that, for the lack of a better name, The Oldfartsurfer had unofficially and without any originality called the board The Dude board after its creator.  "Naming rights go to the creator" said the Oldfartsurfer "and I apologise for the liberties taken in prematurely naming this icon of the surfing world." he went on and on.

(The Dude and The Craic)

In a secret naming cememony, The Craic was offered as one of Huey's children.  Huey threw down a couple of lightning bolts and thundered "Nah - keep it Dude".  The Dude was thankful, telling Huey he promised not to curse him next time he had to wait more than 2 hours for a set.

(Nice bottom - The Craic was nearly named Juanita)

The Young Dude and The Mexican witnessed the ceremony and Huey was omnipresent.  "Its like having a new brother in the family" said Young Dude. "I hope the old fart gives me a crack on The Craic" he said hopefully.  Old Farts Surf Co. Head Honcho, The Mexican, said "this is a historic moment moment in the development of the Old Fart Surf Co. community."

(Beautifully crafted timber fins on The Craic)

The Dude told the legendary story of the creation of The Craic.  The Young Dude, The Mexican and Huey were spellbound as the Dude described every piece of timber glued and shaving taken and how they all came together in perfect harmony as The Craic.  He described "the magic as it took off under his feet on the first ride in 1' slop".

(The classic "crack" in The Craic)

Several pints of Guiness were drunk to honour The Craic and its creator.

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The Mexican Tirumphs for Spanish Fans

When the Mexican paddled out for the final of The fourth round of the Splinter Group World Series Surfing Championship he didn't know that members of his ever growing Spanish fan base were in the crowd to cheer him on.  The event was held in a remote secret location on an island a long way from Spain.  "I couldn't believe the effort and expense that the co-Head Honchos of the Spanish Mexican Fan Club, Juan and Juanita, went to to be here and root for me:"  said the Mexican.

(The surf on the final day of the fourth round)

The event was eventually won by the Mexican in controversial circumstances.  Some oldfartsurfer turned up late and absolutely dominated the surfing but all in vain as he wasn't riding the requisite Old Farts Surf Co. Hollow Timber Surfboard hand made by the mastersurfcraftsman, The Dude.  Initially dejected, the old fart was consoled by Juanita.  "I'd do anything to keep this event a joyous occassion just like our festivals in Spain" said Juanita.  "I didn't want anything to spoil the mood on the beach and detract from The Mexican's triumph" she said as she wrapped the dejected old fart within the warm folds of her poncho.  "At least she didn't throw tomoatoes at me" grumbled the old fart.

(The dejected old fart surfer soon to be consoled within the folds of Juanita's poncho)

The final of the event was held in clean conditions and, as has so often been the case, tthe final was a showdown between The Mexican and his Old Farts Surf Co. stable mate, The Dude.  "These guys really are masters of their hollow timber surfboard's" said the visiting Juan.  "They have taken hollow timber surfboard surfing to new levels of performance" he went on.

(Clean conditions for the final)

Juan said "ever since The Dude and The Good Woman came to Spain looking for sites for the Splinter Group to hold their world series surfing competitions we have been saving our Euro's to make the trip to the first event we could get to and see The Mexican surf.  He has been a legend in Spain ever since Cortez conquered the Incas" he said with a smile "and finally I have seen him surf in the flesh".

(Juanita: "psst Juan ... do you think my ass looks big in this poncho"

The visiting fans were surprised by the cool temperature.  "I brought my special Basque bikini to wear for the Mexican"  said a goose bumped Juanita.  "Fortunately I also brought my poncho so I could wear the bikini without getting too cold."  she said faking a coy smile.  "I was so honoured to comfort a dejected old fart surfer.  I wish it was the Mexican but he won and so wasn't dejected and that is far more important to me".

(High performance on finals day)

(Dramatic back drop on the secret island)

(Juan: "Si Juanita it is very cold but the poncho isn't big enough to cover your ass")

In his victory speech The Mexican espoused his theory of "surfing's original roots being in Spain, not Hawaii as often thought, and likened modern day big wave surfers to the early matadors, teasing, ducking and weaving around a lip as if it were a bulls horns".  "The Spanish took surfing to the New World in the Americas and, as Thor Hiedal proved, after leaning to surf from the Spaniards, the indans took surfing to the polynesian islands in huge grass SUPs to escape their conquorers" said the Mex.  The Mexican's Spanish fan base around the world has praised this theory.  "We always knew there was a connection and the Mex has shown us the way" said Juan.

(Juanita: "Si Juan, but do you think Mex will like my poncho")

 

(Some hot action on finals day)

(Juanita: "Ola Mexican")

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