31 July 2009

Old Fart Surfer Threatens to Hijack International Surfing

(Photo: The Mexican training for the new pro tour at a secret Pacific Location last month)

Old fart surfer and nine time world champ, Kelly Slater is reported to be backing a rebel pro surfing tour. The Australian newspaper reported today that the rebel group "have an in principal agreemetn with US pay television network ESPN". It appears that Slater's sponsor, Quicksilver is involved. Quicksilve International event director Rod Brooks is quoted as saying "in a year there is a possibility that there will be two world champions, but obviously that is not what we want to happen". The newspaper reports rumours that Slater has invested heavily in the breakaway group saying a press release will be issued soon.

Apparently the rebel tour will consist of 16 surfers (eight permanent, eight wildcards) in eight events run during five months in the late half of next year. Each event will ahve a wopping prize pool of $US1.5M which will make attractive to the top echelon of pros as the existing ASP tour only offers $340k per event spread between 45 surfers.

Is there an opportunity for retired oldfartprosurfers to dust off their Stingers, twinnies, side slippers, eggs and mals, double the yoga and pilates and get back on the circuit. Old Fart Surf Co. sponsored surfers Mex, The Dude and Macho are certainly considering a return to the lime light. "Hell, I'd take off on 60' Pedra Blanca and dropping in on my old foe Juan Kempes" said the Mex with a wry grin as his eyes glazed over as the competitive adrenalin started lifting his heart rate. Surfboard architect, Macho, said he was already designing a new quiver for the team with his new weight/ length/ width /fin/calorie/ testosterone formulae to optimise the boards for the boys. Mastersurfcraftsman, The Dude, has put in an order for special timber to make the new fleet of boards from. "I've discovered this timber" he said excitedly ," that has these magic properties that allow oldfartsurfers to catch and make impossible waves. They seem to fly effortlessly, almost like a hydofoil, even as you paddle for the wave."

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